One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.

Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then everyday take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

"How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years? she asks.

The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?"

I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked

up several items at a discount store. When she finally got

up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no

price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker

got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear:

"Price check on lane thirteen, Tampax, supersize."

That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store

apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks."

In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the

intercom: "Do you want the kind you push in with your

thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"

=

1899-1999 = 100 + 2000 = 3 Cents

- Mypenis ate my homework. Oh, no! Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!

- Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis.

- I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash.

-Mypenis doesn't come when I call it.

-Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.

- I love giving Mypenis a bath.

- At night, I sleep with Mypenis in my hands.

- Mypenis likes it when people pet him.

- Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds!

- Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.

- Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?

- Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already jumpy.

- I think Mypenis has a mind of its own.

- I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.

- Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction.

- I think Mypenis is getting old because he won't get excited anymore. He just plays dead.

- Mypenis got out last night. I think he's sleeping with the lady next door.

- If Mypenis was a weinerdog, he would be long and hairy and hard to carry.

- Mypenis loves to chase pussies in dark alleys.

- Help! I can't find Mypenis!

- Sorry to be driving so slow, officer, but I was looking for Mypenis.

- Mypenis gets excited whenever the mailman comes.

- Sorry to be driving so fast, officer - I have to take Mypenis to the hospital.

- Oh. no! Something bit Mypenis!

My eighth grade nephew just started in a new school after moving from Lubbock, TX, home of the Texas Tech Red Raiders. The common greeting around Lubbock is the gun gesture with your hand when you wave. Part of the school spirit an all that. Kind of like the tomahawk chop of the Florida Seminoles and the Atlanta Braves. Anyway . . this gesture is pure habit for him. He was suspended from school for 3 days for making "threating hand gestures" when all the kid was doing was waving "hello" to people. Go figure.

Ringo